More tranny stories later!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
