Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
