Soap is not a condiment
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
