My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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