Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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