How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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