the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
