oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
