O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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