omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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