do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
