Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize