I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
