im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
