By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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