I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
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He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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