the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
