Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
