I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
