My hand turned me down
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
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