New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
