Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
