So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
