Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
