it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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