I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
