I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
