I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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