So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
