Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
