her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
