That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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