i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
