overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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