Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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