put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
