Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
