Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
