I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
smell my finger.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
