he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
