Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize