Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
