from now on my penis is your penis
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
