Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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