Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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