Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
