My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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