We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm just crazy horny about you
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
