I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
