i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
