Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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