do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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