It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
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Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
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Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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