If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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