i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
