Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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