You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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