i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
