just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
