I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
