toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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