I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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