I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Found the puke drawer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
