You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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