So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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