thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
two words...techno handjob
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
