please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...