Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(914): View more from New York

Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.

Fav 8 978 7098
share tweet
(636): View more from Missouri

tequila makes her clothes fall off

(512): View more from Texas

wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time

Fav 28 2207 8417
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper

Fav 89 10373 2076
share tweet
(212): View more from New York

It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.

Fav 24 5926 1363
share tweet
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(612): View more from Minnesota

Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard

Fav 9 1888 3407
share tweet
(248): View more from Michigan

He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.

Fav 5 2548 1180
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(512): View more from Texas

I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.

Fav 5 1923 1542
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool

(1-781): View more from Massachusetts

The pool is covered.....

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Like that would stop me.

Fav 3 1124 825
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(845): View more from New York

He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon

Fav 2 169 73
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT