It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?