I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
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Actions speak louder than pants.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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