Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You ate ashes out of my bong
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