So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize