I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My ATM looks so different sober.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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