Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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