: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
