she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
